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| Monday, June 30th, 2008 | | 6:14 am |
No, I really couldn't resist - from I can has cheezburger  more cat pictures | | Thursday, June 19th, 2008 | | 7:14 am |
| | Wednesday, June 18th, 2008 | | 2:17 pm |
Happy Birthday to Nidhogg
May this be the start of a prosperous and joyful year! | | Monday, June 9th, 2008 | | 6:20 am |
Hapy Birthday NineVirtues
I wish I had remembered to say so in person. All the best for the coming year and the new job and all. I am still not over being glad that you are back in the area! | | Friday, June 6th, 2008 | | 10:38 am |
Mom stuff - the delicate balance
I have to allow all the independence she can eat, even to the point where she tires herself. But when she switches over the line to irresponsibility, I have to step in and it's hard. OK, I am in my sixties, but it's still hard to tell my mother what to do.
The two main parts are (1) get my ego out of it. She has the right to disagree with me, and it's a pysch-trap to pull me into a quarrel instead of working on the problem. This also includes adjusting to her time and place whenever possible. and (2) when I choose to / feel I must intervene, be definite and be short, and let it go. Not bad advice for working with other people, is it? A good spiritual practice, changing habits thusly.
Most of the time the irritability and refusal to compromise (hers) are a sign of oxygen having not gotten to her brain. I asked a nurse-friend who told me that for people, especially older people, who have oxygen issues, standing or walking after a long time sitting can lead to a period where the circulation is readjusting and it takes longer. "Walk a block before you cross the street if at all possible." This helped, because with her on constant oxygen it hadn't occured to me that she could have this problem. When we cross 19th Avenue, I mark with my hand where she has to start and she doesn't like it. Tough. After the time she stopped dead in a traffic lane and wouldn't back up or go forward, this is one place I am definite. She seems to feel that people should allow for the fact that she's old and work around her. And for the most part, they do. This is how she was taught to treat old people and she figures she should get what she gave. Mostly I work with the premise and defer to her too so people get the idea. Just not in the middle of other people's road rage! And in the places where it is part of her character, I have the fun of realising that it is my character flaw too - gives me a chance to work on it from the other side of the equation. Ah, Bobby Burns' Magic Mirror strikes again.
Because I am a portable oxygen device in this other life, I am going to more live theater than I have for years. You see, the one thing that was most galling to her was not being able to go to the cheap seats theater, symphony, and Opera subscriptions she had. We were encouraged to try location by location to find where it was possible. ACT makes it very easy. the Legion of Honor and the DeYoung both have accessibility accomodations. The Conservatory of Music and Fort Mason work well too. And once we explained the problem to the SF Opera, she was given seating which does not involve walking up or down marble stairs (not walker-friendly)for next season. I get her Rheingold and Airiodonte tickets, the end of this season. And slowly we are getting her friends to take certain occasions where they come over and accompany her in a taxi to something and carry her oxygen tank. She has now got paratransit taxi tickets - they prefer to have people use the buses, but once you are over 85 you get preferential treatment. She quavers a bit and says "I'm 94" and it's like a magic key. We haven't tried Symphony Hall yet, or SF MOMA. She and a friend are going to Yerba Buena Gardens at the end of the month.
ACT's current production of Tis Pity She's a Whore (the "dark Romeo and Juliet") is truly excellent. We had a lot of fun talking it over afterward. | | Wednesday, May 28th, 2008 | | 6:30 am |
Tapped out for the next little bit
I have been doing too much on the rental car front, though it helped me keep some important commitments last week. I will be on public transit, so if you want my presence, I may need a bit of help, particularly on the going-home end.
Just sayin | | Friday, May 23rd, 2008 | | 4:21 pm |
Viewing at BayCon
I hope to be there tonight for the last League of Evil Geniuses Party and possibly Regency Dancing. But my hip is bothering me and I may not make it.
Otherwise, expect to see me Saturday night, Sunday and Sunday night, possibly Monday morning.
I am not scheduled for anything, though this may change. Dinner, anyone? | | Sunday, May 18th, 2008 | | 9:17 am |
My marriage is strengthened
For the record and for broadcast - my marriage is stronger because people who feel a commitment to each other are allowed to marry in California. I join in the mutual affirmation of the ability to affirm legally and spiritually that X and Y are not just bunkies, but people who are deliberately making a life together, with all the challenges, terrors, and delights that brings.
As a minister I will marry any two people of legal age who wish to be joined. As a wife I will snuggle my husband a little longer and reaffirm our mutual commitment to back each other up in the endeavors which are important to each other.
As my mother said 12+ years ago, "You have to get married if only to make your cat legitimate." | | Wednesday, May 7th, 2008 | | 6:54 am |
Mom is better
She really is. We went to the doctor yesterday. Her legs are normal size, the last two sores are healing, and she is breathing better on her own. She will always need oxygen, and she will be living at a reduced scale, because mitral fibrillation can come at any time. She will need the hospital bed - it may well have saved her life by allowing for elevating the feet high enough. She will need to be kept on a low sodium diet (WHICH IS NOT THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD FOR A STUBBORN WOMAN WHO DOESN"T WANT TO CHANGE - grumble, grumble.) I am trying to keep fresh fruit & veggies in the house, to have canned food and treats be all low sodium, but then she goes to the corner store and buys stuff and says "but it's got no sugar in it! As if that means anything when you are 94 and reduced to skin & bones!
I keep reminding myself that the goal is to keep her in her own home, and to let her be herself except where it puts her in danger.
What a relief, though. What a relief. | | Thursday, May 1st, 2008 | | 4:56 pm |
Two ways to feed the hungry This Saturday May 10 is the day your mail carrier will pick up non perishable bagged foods when he/she delivers your mail. You can also leave bags of non perishable foods in the specially marked red barrels at your post office. And this http://www.cde.ca.gov/ds/sh/sn/sfs200801.aspis the website for summer feeding sites in Alameda County once school lets out. You know, all those kids who get their one good meal of the day at school? And then there is no school? This is a federal program for summer feeding of children - check your state website for the sites in your county. It's heartbreaking to tell you that these feeding sites are often underused because families don't know. Find this page for your county, post this page, print this page and put it up somewhere. Here is the URL for counties in California http://www.cde.ca.gov/ds/sh/sn/summersites08.asp | | Friday, April 18th, 2008 | | 6:23 am |
me meme me meme me meme Although I think I have pretty good follow through, actually!
What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You
|
You are sophisticated, modern, and high class.
Your taste is refined, but you are not picky.
You are often the first to try something new.
You are energetic and quick to act.
You are open minded, and you easily adopt new social causes.
While your heart is in the right place, you often can't follow through with your dreams.
You love to be the center of attention. You enjoy entertaining your friends.
You feel lost when no one is interested in you... You're too interesting to be ignored.
|
| | 12:25 am |
A Few More Spoons
CC 26 is going to be awesome. Check the website. Yes, it's starting a week from tonight if you're pre-regged. Oh so much to do, but it's do-able.
We may be getting a car after the first of May. Will have to do some work on it, but it's do-able.
Mom is (cross fingers) improving. Has begun to accept that her options have changed. We are counting our achievements thusly
Have oxygen routine down - check
Have humidifier installed on oxygen - check (she still is on her learning curve on changing it)
Have paratransit - check - and she is going with a friend from CLIR to her interview - first time she has had an outing that does not involve either me or an ambulance.
Have a working hearing aid and she has taken the time to learn to use it - check
(Have taken her to SF Conservatory and to ACT - much happiness)
Can go around the imediate neighborhood for a brief errand - check (to the corner for a paper or an avocado)
Establishing a routine for time spent there and time spent at home - check
Have installed hospital bed and gotten rid of old bed (with major help from friends) -- check
Medication is still working out
Home nursing visits - first 60 days of Medical ran out, needed to scramble for reauthorization.
Still lots of scary moments.
I still can't plan on travelling any further from SF than I can get back in an hour, hour and a half at most. Still working on the logistics of getting her a 'lifeline', and she is being a stinker about the details
Work is a challenge - interesting stuff to do, but the difficulty is getting there on time and then just holding focus. I have to change mental gears and just be disciplined about keeping them changed.
I have to be disciplined about getting sleep and eating healthy food or the whole thing comes crashing down.
Thanks again to the good friends who took us wine tasting - a day of beautiful country and amazing tastes and expanded horizons meant a great deal.
Seidh the second Tuesday night in May.
Looking forward to being less frantic after May 1, and trying to keep it that way. When I go to Mom's I have to let things get un-dramatic and low key. This is good for me. BTW, I am taking over some of the cooking now. She is letting up a bit on the company meals - sometimes it's just soup and veggies and that's fine too. And she is trusting me to boil water again (no, I didn't let the kettle run dry, just she needed to be in control of some of the bits, so I let her) | | Saturday, April 5th, 2008 | | 9:30 am |
Silly Rumor quelling
Still alive. Working on Costume Con Programming.
If you are considering coming and you have somehow gotten the silly notion that there is no historical programming, please look at the Programming Events Listing. There is a historical costuming item in every daytime programming slot that isn't a presentation event. There's the Historical Masquerade on Sunday night, there's both construction and lecture items to attend. Bustle Period Hats? The Evolution of Uniform Design? Pognology (mustache), and fashions in Facial Hair? How to become a dandy? The History of Patterns? The 16th Century Supermodel? Basic Victorian Bodice Draping? I mean, c'mon, folks. | | Friday, March 28th, 2008 | | 6:06 am |
Speak now to save our pets - PLEASE check this out Please join me in opposing this. I'm as against puppy mills as anyone, but this goes far too far, endangering the family mutt and the mixed breed kitty California Assembly Bill 1634, "The Pet Extinction Act" will be voted on soon. Apparently they want to restrict pet ownership to registered breeds, and require neutering. A petition to oppose this is online at: http://petpac.net/action/petitions/ab1634/ | | Thursday, March 27th, 2008 | | 3:03 am |
Mom Not Doing So Well
My mom's infected ulcers are just not getting better. She needs to be on oxygen a lot and to elevate her legs. She's not doing the elevation because it's awkward. They are prescribing a hospital bed. They warn that the infection could spread to lungs or heart. They're also trying new measures to bring down the infection.
So mostly she has to rest and elevate, and she gets the notion to do things and is too tired to do so, or gets tired midway. I bring her stuff to pique her interest - she is currently pouring over the Future Fashion Folio with avid interest. She finds the concept wondrous, and is asking me all kinds of questions about how things will look. The mind is still there, but interspersed with bouts of childish "I won'ts". Despite our disagreements we are having moments of sheer fun, and trips down memory lane.
I am trying very hard not to be foot-draggy or a jailor, just reminding when it comes to the important things like the low-sodium diet as that could keep her alive and functioning.
My schedule is getting more predictable. She loved seeing me get all dressed up for the last PEERS ball and then having me tell her about it the next day. She's doing a bit of vicarious living, and then I take her places as we can manage. Took her to the Legion of Honor for an organ concert last Sunday. Took her to her book discussion group on Tuesday, carrying the darn tank everywhere. This weekend's big trip is a walk to the library and then maybe a stop at a neighborhood coffee house for a cup of tea or such. Interspersed with rest days. "Please,Mom, go to sleep. I need your nap!"
She continues to want to cook. Sometimes its a lot of pans to wash, but it's worth it. I do shopping and laundry, trudging around the neighborhood with her shopping cart (even when I have a rental car, there's no parking so why bother?)
So I hope we get the hospital bed soon and can really elevate her legs.
I am down another 6 pounds if her scale is accurate. | | Monday, March 24th, 2008 | | 6:38 am |
Update
I am spending the nights at home about half the time now. Mom is much better, but not as immortal as she thinks she is. However, if we go out and then we get her on oxygen as soon as we get back in, her recovery time is better than mine. We are both supposed to rest and breathe for perhaps 5 minutes when we get in. It takes her about 20 minutes and me more like half an hour. Of course, I have been wrestling wheelchair or walker and oxygen tank. We went to the Legion of Honor Museum yesterday and spent several hours there, ending up with the organ concert. We got in, and I did tea and crackers and cheese for her afternoon meds and then she got up a few minutes later and disappeared and made soup for us. She wants to cook, she is able to cook, she likes to eat a lot of things when she cooks (If I can make dinner in two dishes, I'm happy), so most of the time she does cook. I've been told to let her do what she can do.
It;s been so hard for her to give up ACT and symphony tickets. I am trying to help where I can, but can't be everywhere. What she needs is two more daughters to keep up with her! Or I need an independent income - retroactively.
Anyway, things are going relatively well. I got to sleep at home last night after doing a bit of work at her house. Came home, fell asleep on the couch (sorry to you-know-who, who was expecting a call). Woke at 11:30, did a bit of email for Costume Con, bed. Now up and getting tea and getting ready for work.
Did I mention that I've managed to lose 22 pounds out of all this? Increased activity and keeping to low sodium menu. | | Thursday, March 20th, 2008 | | 3:42 pm |
Oh, my!
Imagine a woman who loves music. Imagine a woman who has been having more and more difficulty hearing. Imagine a woman who decided not to go to any more concerts because all she could hear were the flutes and the drums.
Now imagine me getting up at 5 yesterday to movre the car out of the no-park zone for street cleaning, walking back with dim sun for breakfastm helping get her ready to go to the hearing aid technician, going for the car. Imagine us hooking up the oxygen tank, driving up to the facility and trying the device on. Imagine me helping her upstairs, hooking up the in-house oxygen, kissing her goodby, going to work, doing grocery shopping, getting caught in traffic, getting to her house with food, looking for parking in San Francisco for 20 minutes, and staggering up the stairs with 2 armloads of groceries.
OK, got the picture? Now imagine that you follow sounds into the kitchen and find her there cooking dinner for both of us and -- listening to the classic station on the radio with her eyes shining. I put down the groceries and we just smiled at each other. She made me a cup of tea and we just sat for awhile.
A magic moment. Part of this was her pension through the City of San Francisco, and part of it was our tax dollars at work. Thank you to everyone who pays taxes in California. | | Tuesday, March 18th, 2008 | | 6:09 am |
Hearing Aids and YOU
My mom is getting her hearing aid tomorrow. My vocal cords rejoice. For all of you out there who are constantly saying "What?" and "Stop mumbling", pleasel get your ears checked. And consider being considerate - your kith and kin are way tired of having to say things multiple times, or having you dismiss what they're saying to you because you can't be bothered to concentrate just now and you really are NOT able to hear. Having an easy conversation is dead out, and as for saying quietly when you're in company "I have to go to the bathroom, please wait for me here," or other such remarks that you don't want to roar or share with the world, well...
Yes, I will get my ears checked too | | Friday, March 7th, 2008 | | 6:51 am |
Mom situation
I had a furlough last night. Slept at home. Lots of hugs. Got the cat out of kitty jail and he was going nuts with the lapsits - couldn't decide which of us to pin down when. Thanks to the sofa from trogula & rentravler, he has a median position on its arm where he can sit between us and nudge both of us for strokes and kitty loves.
Early morning rising and feeding of cat. Have to return the rental car today. Hate that. But still, it's probably going to be manageable with a little work. It was just that I wanted to be able to get there quickly or get her to the emergency room. As long as she is careful with her oxygen now, that is an easier situation. We're getting the routine down now and working with her to find what she can do. She is so bitterly dissapointed to be missing her concert and her opera. SF Conservatory is possible; that building is user-friendly. DeYoung is possible.
Moment to moment, sometimes day to day.
My spare time is mostly Costume Con 26 just now. And it's going to be fabulous. Wait till you SEE what these people have come up with! | | Sunday, February 17th, 2008 | | 3:09 pm |
A quick update
I came back here for a few clothes and items for my mom and to efile the taxes cause we are going to need the refund. It looks as if there will be no way around renting the car for the second week and that will wipe out things like new glasses and saving for a car. Darn it
Well, she may still be able to live alone after we get some things set up such as lifeline and some helpers, so I needn't sleep over there after say next week. It all depends. I think - think - that she is forming the new habits needed for the oxygen tank. And the PT at the hospital went over a bunch of practicalities with her so she knows that the social life with opera and theater is going to have to be curtailed, at least until she is off the oxygen and reconciled to going to places which are truly accessible.
The edema and discoloration are slowly getting better, but she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She's wearing out.
We are having some good conversations. She is so green it squeaks, has been for years. Gosh, her house is cold. I am getting the warm bathrobe from home, but can't import the warm husband. Sigh |
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